Every repo hides crimes. Expose yours.
A zero-dependency CLI that puts your git history on trial. It scans your commits, charges you with crimes you definitely committed, and hands down a verdict you can screenshot and send to your team.
cd your-repo
npx github:aucai/commit-crimes(npm 包发布后可直接 npx commit-crimes)
No install. No config. No AI, no API keys, fully offline — your git history never leaves your machine. The shame stays local.
| Crime | What gets you convicted |
|---|---|
| The Serial Fixer | Endless commits "fixing" things. The bug remains at large. |
| Work-In-Progress Convict | wip. It was never finished. It never is. |
| The Minimalist | update, stuff, misc, . — messages with the passion of a wet napkin |
| Groundhog Day | The exact same message, committed 3+ times |
| The Night Crawler | Commits between midnight and 5am |
| The Friday Gambler | Shipping after 4pm on a Friday |
| The Screamer | ALL CAPS COMMIT MESSAGES |
| The Potty Mouth | Your git log needs a swear jar |
| The Novelist | Subject lines longer than 80 characters |
| The Desperado | please work, finally, asdfasdf |
Verdicts come with exhibits (your actual commits, quoted back at you), a prime suspect (team repos get interesting), your crime hour, and a final grade from S (suspiciously clean) to F (museums will study this repo).
--last <n> only judge the last n commits
--author <s> only judge one suspect
--no-anim skip the courtroom drama
--no-color plain output
The web-based roasters upload your data to an LLM API and rate-limit you. This is ~300 lines of Node with zero dependencies that runs entirely offline in under a second — on any repo, including the private ones you'd never paste into a website.
New crimes are one small object in the CRIMES array — a matcher and a quip:
{
id: 'revert',
title: 'The Time Traveler',
match: (c) => /revert/i.test(c.subject),
quip: (n) => `${n} reverts. History repeats itself, then gets reverted again.`,
weight: 2,
}PRs with funny, non-mean crimes are very welcome. So are translations of the verdicts.
一行命令,审判你的 git 提交史:深夜提交、周五上线、连环 "fix"、wip 惯犯……全部定罪,最后给你的仓库打分(S 到 F)。零依赖、完全离线、不调用任何 AI,提交记录不出你的电脑。
cd 你的仓库 && npx github:aucai/commit-crimesMIT — commit crimes responsibly.